When I was a kid, I had this dream that someday I would move away, go somewhere warm (at the time the goal was California), and then somehow everything would be better. I ended up going to college in Arizona for a bit, but didn’t stay long, spent a few years in Texas, and ended up back in Illinois, right where I had started. Into my adult life, I always wanted to move back to Arizona, as I felt I had left too soon. About almost 2 years ago now, I applied and interviewed for a job there and was again hopeful, that somehow moving back to Arizona would right the wrongs in my life and then I would find happiness. I didn’t get the job and I see now that I wasn’t supposed to.
“What are you running from?”My friends would ask me. I spent a lot of time asking that of myself as well. I was happy overall…good job, good husband, good kids. What was I running from?! Honestly, I think it was me. My energy was anxious and always waiting for the next thing. I remembered that growing up, my dad always talked about moving, and how everything would be better if we moved away. It’s something I never thought much of, though I realize now what an impact that had on me.
Since this epiphany, I have tried to really root myself in my little town on the river, just a few miles from the town I grew up in, down the very same river. Might I move someday? I might. But my happiness is no longer dependent on “the next thing” or “the next place.” If my energy is positive and I can learn to live in the moment, then I can add value to others’ lives and in turn, finally be happy with myself.