“I just need to get it together.” I can’t tell you how often I hear this. From friends, patients, everyone really. I feel like we are all trying to “get it together”, like, indefinitely. I finally said to a patient last week, “Stop!” “Stop trying to get it together! It’s okay to not have it together!!!”
What on earth does that mean anyway? “Get it together?” To figure out your entire life’s purpose? To get the “right” job? To finally figure out how to feel like you have more money coming in than going out? I don’t actually know. And I’m willing to bet that most of you don’t really know either.
I feel like we have these unrealistic expectations of ourselves. We can say to everyone else, “What do you mean?! You totally have it together!” But when it comes to ourselves, somehow our standards are different. We expect to have everything in our own lives figured out. Except that I don’t think we ever do. I would go one further and say I don’t think we ever should. If we finally feel “done” or “together” do we stop looking forward? Do we stop trying to be fulfilled in new ways? Isn’t it healthy to ask, “What’s next?” or “How can I find new and different ways to contribute to the world?”
Otherwise, don’t we become complacent? Or even bored? My best discussions are those that consist of “So I’ve been thinking about…”, new projects, new ideas, and continued hopes and dreams. I’d much prefer this honestly, than to being so “together” that we have nothing left to talk about, or worse, trying to tell other people how to live their lives, because I somehow think I have it all figured out. I would much rather keep discussing ideas for our continued endeavors at “getting it together” than much else, though maybe we should stop calling it that, and maybe just take that out of our vocabulary all together. New ideas, starting over, not knowing what comes next…this is how we grow and learn, which I don’t want to stop doing. I don’t know about you, but I have no intention of getting it together anytime soon, or probably ever, and I think I’m okay with that.