Ending a relationship can be so challenging. There’s no denying this. Rarely, does one end a relationship and jump for joy. So much of our time, energy, and existence can revolve around a relationship, and when it ends, we can feel lost and not know how to begin to put the pieces back together.
While we can be tempted to drown our sorrows in alcohol or ice cream… these things don’t actually do much to help us move on. And while time is often the best remedy, there are some things that do help the healing process move faster after a breakup. Below are some healthy ways to move on after a relationship ends.
1. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. As tempting as it might be to do the whole, “I’m fine!” thing and not actually sit with it, you will do yourself a favor if you take some time to grieve.
You may want to do some writing or talk to a friend about it. Your feelings are valid and talking/crying it out can be a great release. However, after a few days of this it’s time to get up and start moving again. Choose not to stay stuck.
2. Take a step back and really look at what worked and what didn’t. When we get out of a relationship, we tend to see the whole thing through rose-colored glasses. We remember the good times, why we miss them, and tend to not look at why things didn’t work out. Look at what is to be learned, where mistakes were made, and what’s right about the relationship ending.
3. Spend some time with people who love you. Hanging with your BFF or a close family member can be super healing. Do your best to get out and DO something with them rather than sitting around wallowing though. This is a great way to remind yourself that you can have plenty of fun without your ex.
4. Keep yourself busy. Make plans with friends, take up new hobbies, go to the gym, whatever it takes. When we stay home and do a whole lot of nothing, we tend to get depressed. If instead, you get out and have fun, you’ll hardly have time to miss him.
5. Try something new. It can be so easy to lose a sense of who you are in a relationship. Check out my blog on that HERE. Get to know YOU again.
Sometimes, we just need to find things that bring us joy again. So whether it be an old hobby that you set aside when you got into the relationship, or something new you’ve always wanted to try-get out there and start living your life!
Some ideas: Yoga, sailing, art classes, fitness classes, rock climbing, hiking, join a sports team, take up golf, learn a musical instrument, anything that peaks your interest!
6. Allow yourself space from your ex. I mean it. Showing up at places you think you might run into him, still texting/talking to him, and following him on social media are sure ways to keep yourself stuck.
I know this is hard. This is probably the hardest thing after a break up and also the most effective way to move on. There’s some serious truth to the “out of sight, out of mind” concept. Unfollow his friends and family too, at least for now, you don’t need to see what he’s doing from other people’s feeds either.
7. Set new goals for yourself. Make a vision board, set new intentions, write out a 6-month, 1 year, and 5 year plan and get excited about it! Look at the infinite possibilities you have now that you are single! Where would you like to live, what would you like to do, what ideas do you have for your career? What would you like to create as your life?
8. Forgive them-and yourself. Look, forgiveness isn’t saying that whatever occurred was okay. But it does keep you from holding the anger, resentment, or hurt that is harming you more than it’s harming them. See both of you as human, who’ve made some mistakes, and were part of a learning experience together.
Forgiveness also doesn’t mean being “friends” with your ex. It’s not the time for that. If someday that’s a possibility, then great. Today is not that day. And if you’re beating yourself up-let go of that too. There were lots of events that lead to the break-up and no one person was responsible.
9. Be kind to yourself. Remember that negative self-talk won’t do anything to make you feel better. Telling yourself all the things you must have done wrong, is not going to rekindle the relationship. Instead, do things that are relaxing and kind to you. Take long baths, get a massage, meditate, go for a walk, curl up with a good book, whatever helps you feel at peace with you.
Getting over an ex isn’t always easy. It can be a major life stressor. But you don’t have to spend months wallowing over the loss of a relationship. Moving on and living your best life, is a choice that is available to you. Make the process easier by finding ways to make yourself happy and enjoying your life!
If you are struggling to get over a break-up and need some extra guidance on this, I’d love to talk to you about it.
Love, light, and gratitude,
Melissa
