In the dating world, there is a lot of advice out there on how to make the guy find you irresistible. And it’s not all bad…but it’s not all great either. A lot of it is about playing games, messing with his head, and being someone other than you.
This is not that.
I will not tell you to abandon who you are in order to “get the guy.” The goal here is to find a great guy, who loves and appreciates you for YOU, right? So why would you be anything else?
What I will tell you though, is that there is something to being totally yourself, but the YOU who is the true best version of yourself-the YOU that you are striving to be-letting go of insecurities and intense points of view that might be keeping you in a stuck space overall.
Here are some easy, actionable things you can do to get the guy to be instantly interested and keep him intrigued, as he discovers more about the awesome person that you are.
- Be confident. I know, this is cliché. So cliché, that I almost didn’t include it. But it is SO important. If you’re not feeling great about yourself, get this worked out first. It will make such a difference in what you are willing to put up with from others, how you come off on dates, and how you behave in a relationship. When you are in love with you, your energy is contagious.
- Be positive. No one likes a negative Nancy. People remember how they feel when they are with you. When you talk negatively about your job, your family, your friends, your life-that is generally a huge turn off. I’m not saying be all rainbows and sunshine all the time. It’s okay to say, “Yeah, there’s things I don’t love about my job” without launching into a story about how everyone is out to get you. Be real. But if you find that everything you talk about sounds likes a complaint, you’re not going to keep him interested.
- Ask lots of questions. People love to talk about themselves. It’s just a fact. If you find you’re doing too much of the talking, step back, and ask, “What about you?” (for more questions to ask on a date check out 19 Questions to Ask on a Date). Your date will remember that you were a good listener, who asked questions and seemed genuinely interested in him.
- Keep the first date short. No more than an hour and a half. Coffee is always a good option. Don’t have a wide-open day. People are more intrigued by those who have a life. See #5. Alcohol tends to cloud things or lead people to over-disclose. The idea of a shorter date, is to keep him wanting more. This isn’t a “game” thing, it’s a “make sure you have stuff to talk about on the second date” thing. Too much too soon can be exciting at first, but it often leads to things fizzling out as well.
- Like I was saying, have a life. When he sees that you are living an amazing life, you are that much more attractive. And when you are living an amazing life…you are living an amazing life! Isn’t that half the battle?
- Make sure he’s chasing you…not the other way around. You will feel more confident and be more yourself when you feel that he is genuinely interested in you-instead of feeling as though you are trying to prove yourself to him. So let him mostly be the one to text first, plan the dates, lean in for the kiss. You want to pull him in, rather than push him into dating you. Make sense?
- Create fun memories together. After the initial coffee date, do something adventurous, something new, something outside, anything other than just traditional dinner. There’s nothing wrong with dinner…but when you make vivid memories together, it creates a positive connotation with you in his mind. When he thinks about the last really fun thing he did-he will equate it with you.
- Be Yourself. I know… you know. Except that you don’t-at least most people don’t. It’s pretty common to keep our quirks as hidden and to appear as “perfect” as possible on a date. Now, this doesn’t mean to let your crazy shine through (takes me back to working on confidence, as “crazy” is always insecurity, if that’s a thing) but don’t try to be someone you “think” he wants. You are ultimately searching for a life partner. Someone you can be completely yourself with. Not someone you are a little yourself with, then the rest of yourself around your friends. If he doesn’t appreciate you for all that you are, then on to the next. Value the awesomeness of you.
Remember at the end of the day, it’s really about finding someone who keeps YOU interested. Someone who treats you well and you can laugh with, be serious with, and connect with. You deserve someone who is a contribution to your life and living, encourages you to grow and be greater, and is excited to be by your side for all of it.
If you are looking for some help around dating, confidence, or the like-I’d love to talk with you.
Love, light, and gratitude,