A friend asked me, “You do this confidence coaching stuff, right? How do I find more self-confidence!?”
“BE interesting point of view!” was my response.
“Huh?”
Right. So that doesn’t make a lot of sense to most people who haven’t been exposed to the tools of Access Consciousness ™. But that is definitely my number one way to be more self-confident. Though I’ve got quite a few more up my sleeve…that I bet you’ll choose first…
But let’s start with “Interesting Point of View.”
1.“Interesting point of view” basically means that you are the rock in the stream. You don’t go into judgment of you or anyone or anything else. For whatever judgments are thrown at you, by yourself or someone else, you think to yourself, “Interesting point of view.” What this does is keeps you from aligning and agreeing or resisting and reacting…which leads you to be washed away by judgments…instead, you are just in total allowance and everything flows around you.
Most of where our confidence issues lie are in our own judgments of ourselves and fearing judgments from everybody else. So when we release the judgments…what are we left with? Space. And a whole lot less self-doubt.
But in case you want some more ideas…here’s a few more.
2. Know that you are the center of your own universe…and no one else’s.
I know, not the nicest truth…but think… Everybody is the center of their own universe. They are just not that concerned with you. If you did the most outrageous thing ever. I don’t know, walked down the street like a crab, wearing a chicken suit…What would happen? You’d get some stares. A few laughs…maybe a picture or two. Then you know what everyone would do? They’d go back to their conversation with their friend, continue scrolling on their phone, and continue worrying about their own life. Why? Because they are the center of their universe! Make sense? So everywhere that you’ve decided that people are judging you and concerned about what you are doing and whether it is the right thing or the wrong thing for more than a passing minute…will you let that go now?
3. Get that your greatest wrongness is your greatest strongness. What have you decided is wrong with you? Are you too loud? Too quiet? Not smart enough? Not extroverted enough? What is it that you’ve decided? Now find the strength in this. Does being loud get your point across? Does it enable you to have a voice for others who struggle to? Does being quiet allow you to observe and make decisions when others are jumping in too fast? Does having trouble learning things right away, allow you to ask questions and really understand a concept rather than just appearing to get it on the surface? Does needing time alone allow you to reflect and be at peace when other people can’t slow down? What if there is NOTHING wrong with you? You’re just not looking at what’s right with you? How different would you feel about you if you allowed yourself to see this?
4. STOP trying to fit in. You don’t. Let it go. The sooner you stop trying to be like everybody else and recognize that you are unique AF and this is what makes you remarkable…the easier having confidence will be. You are not like anyone else. You have things in common with people…fine. But you are not “cut from the same mold.” No one is. Enjoy your difference. It’s why other people like you. And an excellent reason to like yourself.
5. Be present. Live for today. Blaming yourself for something you did 5 years ago? It’s over. Stop trying to put your pants on yesterday! Huh? Exactly? It’s already done. You can’t stop doing something that you’ve already done. When you catch yourself in that loop, say to yourself, “It’s already done.” You might know this, but your brain needs to hear it. Also, stop trying to plan your whole life out. I’ve been especially guilty of this. When you get all freaked out about the future, also not helpful. Come back to now, and focus on today.
6. Spend time with people who lift you up. Not those who put you down. If you are around people who make you feel less than-you have to work so much harder to stay confident. Life’s too short to spend it with people who don’t appreciate you.
7. Write a gratitude list every day. Research says 3 things a day. I say 10. Why? Because it’s easy to think of 3 things you’re grateful for. But 10 takes effort. You have to start looking for the little things in your life that make you go, “Wow, things aren’t so bad.” And I’d add to that…2 of those 10 should be reasons you’re grateful for you. When you have gratitude for you, there’s a different energy to your life. You start to get the gift that you are.
8. Make YOU a priority. It’s easy to do what everyone else asks us to do. What if you did things for you, because they were fun for you? Because you enjoyed them? Because you nurtured you? You want to like you? You have to treat yourself how you treat someone you like! Take the bubble bath, drink the expensive wine, make time with your friends, go for a walk, make beautiful things, laugh. Take care of you!
9. Push yourself. Do the thing that scares you. Nothing quite feels like conquering something that was a challenge. You will feel better about yourself when you see that you can overcome that which was not easy. You want to run a marathon (or maybe a half), train, work at it, do it! You want to get a new job that brings you more joy? Start writing that resume, get coaching on interviewing, talk to people in that industry, but don’t decide you can’t, so you don’t. Set targets for yourself and work towards them…and know that targets move…and it’s okay if you decided half way there that you want something else…but know that nothing is impossible and push yourself for that which you truly desire.
10. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. This kind of brings us back to Interesting Point of View. When you decided that someone is “better” at anything than you… “interesting point of view” yourself. And get that we are all different and have different abilities, talents, appearances, etc. There is no right or wrong, just different. Be grateful for the difference.
11. Show up in your life. Be you. Be willing to do whatever it takes to be the person you came here to be. Stop apologizing for who you are and live the life you truly desire to live, and choose to let go of all your fears about what everyone else is going to think about it. When you are living your life as you, you give other people permission to live their life as them…what a gift you can be for the world if you allow it.
I used to struggle with self-confidence like you wouldn’t believe. And it’s still a challenge to stand up with a microphone and talk today…but I’m a far cry from where I once was. Now, I’ll take the mic and say my piece anyways…and use interesting point of view on all my judgments that come up against me. It works. It really does. Just keep at it. It’s not usually an overnight thing. But give yourself credit for how far you’ve come and keep moving towards being in total allowance of you.
If you’d like some coaching around confidence, being you, and uncovering the magic that you truly be…let’s hop on a call-see how we can work together.
Talk soon!
Love, light, and gratitude,
Melissa